An apple a day?

Back on October 27th (the day after my 31st birthday) I started seeing new doctors to help get my Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) under control again. There’s a large umbrella of things that goes along with having PCOS and considering the cancer history in my family, I need to get on the ball. This will take a series of doctors, tests and stress. Many people don’t understand why I would be stressed out or worried about all of these appointments. Then again, most people don’t know what my body puts me through on a daily basis, so there’s that. I find that it’s just easier to refrain from even speaking about it. The intricate inner workings of PCOS has caused significant changes in my life and doctors are still working to understand this complex endocrine syndrome.

My first visit was with Dr. Jessie R. Marrs at Pacific Gynecology Specialists Seattle. She instantly put me at ease with a bedside manor I have yet to experience. She was lighthearted with chit chat because she sensed my uneasiness, but when it was time to get down to business she was very focused and thorough. My husband and mother attended the appointment with me to ensure I asked all the questions I needed to and so they could gain a better understanding of what she wanted to see happen. She prescribed me Spironolactone which helps stabilize my Androgen levels and Provera due to my erratic cycle issues. I told Dr. Marrs that there were two tumors found last summer (one on my cervix and one on my uterus), so she also ordered a vaginal and pelvic ultrasound to see if the tumors have changed in size at all. I had my testing done at Seattle Ultrasound and I’m waiting on results. For the record, can I just say how much I HATE vaginal ultrasounds? Ugh.

After hearing about the long line of cancer in my family she became concerned about having BRCA testing completed. When I told her I have had a difficult time getting the testing approved she was appalled and referred me to Dr. Bob Resta, a genetic counselor in Seattle. I see him on 12/2. I highly recommend you take 1:47 to watch this video about genetic counseling. Because PCOS is complex, and because I don’t have a primary care physician right now, she also referred me Dr. Sam Warren in Seattle. I will also see him on 12/2.  I’m hoping Dr. Warren will prescribe me some Metformin to help aid in my treatment of PCOS. And after a year of serious thought, I think I will be speaking to him about some form of anti-anxiety medication. I have realized that me being a high anxiety, high stress person isn’t “normal” like I thought it was.

There are many things I need to do in order to feel better. I need to fix my mind, body and spirit. When I turned 30, I told myself I would make a conscious effort to find peace in all things. Knowing that this would be a life long goal, I began with baby steps and looked inward to understand what makes me tick. There are many things that I will share publicly on social media that don’t really matter at the end of the day, but this is something that matters. Writing this blog was easy, sharing it will not be. The last thing I want is to be judged or made fun of. And honestly, I refuse to tolerate any sort of hurtful remarks that will only make me feel worse about my health. So if that’s what you’re thinking, please stop reading my blog and don’t comment.

Even as I type these words I feel my anxiety level rising as I know I’m about to share these words with the world. Why share it then, right? Maybe it’ll help someone else that isn’t talking about something that scares and angers them. Why would this stress me out? It’s hard to explain. I’ve had a rough road with doctors in the past, and to be perfectly honest, I know my health is not good right now and this forces me to face it and to face the scary things that are lurking in my genes. Let’s face it, most 31 year olds aren’t dealing with what I am. That’s not me feeling sorry for myself, but it’s me telling the truth. While my friends are off having babies I’m sitting here petting my cats and treating them like children because I have struggled with infertility and pregnancy loss. I intended to keep that a secret because I felt shameful about it. Logically, I realize that this may not be my fault but as a woman my body is genetically programmed to bear a child and yet I am unable. And no, please don’t tell me, “You never know” because I don’t want to hear it. It’s not helpful. I do know. It’s not a debate.

So this is me posting this for all to read so that I can keep myself accountable with my doctor’s appointments that I’d really rather not even go to, but I will because I need to be an adult and do it. Hopefully by me taking this leap and sharing these words, it’ll help someone out there because it sure scares the hell out of me to be so open. I hope I don’t regret this.


14 thoughts on “An apple a day?

  1. Gwen Wagener says:

    I’m so proud of you for sharing this Aubrey. Most of us would never guess that you have had so much to deal with. Remarkable courage to put this out there and I for one stand by you! I love your ambition and caring spirit which has touched my own life. You got this Girl and i got you!

    If you need anything at all I’m here for you darling.

    Hugs…Gwen Wagener


    • Gwen, you are such a sweetheart. I have felt so blessed to get to know you this year. I do for others because it’s what makes me feel good. I appreciate your support. You’re so kind!


  2. Cathy Youngling says:

    good for you girl. It took me 14 years to face my breast cancer, I am so glad you found you way to this realization sooner. Keep up the hard work of facing your illness. It is the one thing that will help free you from the fear of it all,


  3. Sally says:

    You got this girl. It’s kind of like the 3 Day…it starts with one step. But you , my dear, have taken that to the grand scale and have taken a huge leap. I’m so proud of you 🙂 Keep in touch and know I care. Sending good thoughts and prayers and a giant hug!


    • You’re right, Sally. I chalk up many things in life compared to a 3-Day now. Isn’t it funny how we can do that now? What did we do before the 3-Day allowed us the opportunity to think of things in such ways? I appreciate your kind words. Hugs to you, my friend!


  4. Jennifer Crane says:

    I don’t have PCOS, but I do have adenomyoma. I also understand the pain of struggling to get pregnant only to lose it early on. I understand the pain when well intentioned friends tell you, you can try again or it will happen in time. I am 41 and I will never have a child unless I adopt and as a single woman, I have a snowballs chance in hell to be able to adopt. I have had several miscarriages and I will have to settle for holding other peoples babies and hoping to have a relationship with my nieces one day.
    I understand. Thank you for sharing. Please know I am available for coffee, girl talk or whatever!!
    Good for you for sharing.


    • I’m sorry to hear about your struggles with adenomyoma, Jennifer. The human body is so complex and we are all dealing with a variety of difficulties from day to day. Some more than others. On top of all of that, the human mind and heart can be hard to heal sometimes. I appreciate your support!


  5. Marnie says:

    I’m glad to hear it seems you’ve found a compatible doctor. Healthcare is just like any other profession – hair stylists, handy men, whatever. There are good and bad, and one bad experience should not prevent you from finding a better one and getting the job done. All the amazing work you do for others is incredible, but you’ve got to take care of yourself first. I hope you’re in the best hands now, but if you have further difficulty, please contact me. Your health history probably makes you too complex to see me personally, but I can happily do some research and find you appropriate referrals if needed! Hang in there Aubs.


  6. Kim says:

    And there ya go again… making me dang proud of you for stepping outside of your comfort zone by sharing and taking important steps to feel better and get control of your health. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for and you are loved and supported by so many. Love ya long time friend… I am always here for you. Sending lots of hugs and prayers your way!


  7. Linda Pitsch says:

    Aubrey, you are such a caring and loving person. I will keep you in my prayers.Dealing with health issues is so scary and uncertain. And of course the waiting on tests is maddening. You are surrounded by a lot of Love and support. Our arms will surround you while you walk this journey. Your a Warrior and I will always remember how you helped me through my journey. Keep the faith MY Friend. I will be walking right beside you! 🙂 Always, Linda Pitsch


    • Linda, thank you so much! I only supported you in the ways that I could. It’s hard to know how to be there for someone but you accepted all the love that was given to you. You’re very easy to love, my friend.


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