Well, this sucks!

Have I ever mentioned how much I hate PCOS and the havoc it wreaks on my oversized body? I had a follow-up appointment with my amazing doctor today, and I’m so upset about my appointment that I can’t even focus on the parts of it that were positive.

The worst part was that I’ve gained 12 pounds since December. As a Seahawks fan, “12” is usually a good thing, but this is not how I want to be #12ing! I was extremely upset and my doctor tried to comfort me by telling me how the physiology of PCOS works against my body, not to give me an excuse, but to help me understand things. It didn’t help. I’m so devastated. I’m looking at joining Weight Watchers, reading books about metabolic syndrome, and how to exercise in order to lose weight. All of that may seem obvious to you, but for someone with two syndromes stacked against them, it is NOT easy. I’m not looking for easy, but I’m looking for achievable.

I gave up drinking soda and all carbonated beverages 59 days ago (6.1.15) and thought for sure that would help me lose weight. Who knows? Maybe I weighed more before I stopped drinking soda. My clothes all still fit, so could it be possible that they recorded my weight wrong last time? I don’t even know. We’re going to revisit in 3 months. He asked that I walk 1/4 of a mile 3 times a week and gradually build up. He’s also given me physical therapy at my request and thought it was a great idea. My body is wound so tightly sometimes that I just don’t want to move. Oh, and another thing thanks to PCOS…my vitamin D levels are “dangerously deficient. Yeah! So now I have to take 50,000 units of vitamin D for the next 8 weeks in order to bring it up to where it should be. Awesome.

The one thing he said to me that made me laugh was that, “When you walk out of here and tell friends or family that you’ve gained weight, they are all going to tell you how to lose weight, what worked for them, and if they can do it then so can you. Don’t listen to them. They have no idea how metabolic syndrome and PCOS affects your body, but I do.”  I know anyone offering advice will mean well, but please know that I’m super extra sensitive about all of this and your well intended comments could end up hurting my feelings. Trust me, I’m already beating myself up far more than you ever could anyway.

Before I wrap this up I will mention the good news, Metformin has been working and I am no longer pre-diabetic. I realize that there are much bigger things happening in the world today, but this hit me hard and really took the wind out of my sails. I’m sure I’ll get over it and focus on what I need to do quickly, but shit!

I am never good at this!

I should just start every blog off by saying, “Sorry it’s been so long…” because, as I always say, I’m terrible about consistently blogging. I’ll try to keep the update brief by being vague, but not so much that it makes you feel like this entire post was written in hieroglyphics.

A lot has been going on lately. Work is picking up and my days are getting longer and longer. It’s time to get ready to travel the country again for work, and I am looking forward it. I am able to see new places, to give of myself, to be more exhausted than I thought humanly possible, to work alongside some of the most wonderful people on the planet (participants and staff), and I get to be inspired by them to do and be more. My travel schedule is below.

August: Michigan 3-Day

September: Seattle 3-Day (Okay, so I’m not traveling for it, but it’s worth mentioning!)

October: Philadelphia 3-Day (walking) 

October: Atlanta 3-Day

November: Dallas / Ft. Worth 3-Day

It’s been so hot here. Ugh. We Pacific Northwest people aren’t here for the heat! It used to be that July 5th was the first day of summer here and it was MAYBE low 90’s for a couple of days, but that was it. People! Global warming is a thing! Don’t get me wrong, I love the beautiful summers that we’ve been having, but I like heat to stay outside. I probably wouldn’t bitch about it at all if I had air conditioning. Dare to dream, right?

I’m feeling my anxiety and stress levels increase over the last few weeks. There are some things going on in the background that I won’t share here, at least not now, but I’m finding it very difficult to open up about things. I know, I know, that’s not good. For some reason, I’m feeling useless lately. I don’t feel like I’m reaching goals, I feel like I’m kind of just stagnant. On top of that, I’m feeling like I’m not doing enough for others. I’m annoying myself with my personal pity party.

A few really good things to mention are coming up! I went to my friend’s cabin over the weekend on Anderson Island. I love it out there. I get to go once a year and it is NEVER enough time. Fun, friends, food. What more do you need? Gracie, thanks for always inviting me! Our friendship and the friendships you have introduced me to are priceless!

Stephanie and the kids are home right now! Mitch and I got to visit with them today. We had a picnic at the spray park and it was really nice to chat for a while. I couldn’t help but smile inside knowing that the place where the spray park is located used to be the location of our old high school before it got torn down. How funny that we were reconnecting in the very same place where our friendship started. I love that girl.

Saturday will be a fun-filled day. Me, mom, Sandra, Yvette and a few other folks are headed to Cheney Stadium for the Color in Motion 5k. I’ve never done a color run, so this should be interesting and hilarious! Afterward, Mitch, mom and me are having a BBQ at mom’s house. We have spent so much time with my mom now that we’re back in Tacoma. I think she likes having us close by. We’re only a mile down the road, so it’s two shakes of a lamb’s tail and we’re bumping into each other. It’s been fun!

I think I’ll wrap it up right here for now. Maybe I’ll blog again soon…but don’t hold your breath! 😉