Six months in…

There was all this build up to the day we finally received our first “placement” as foster parents. The call finally came on June 13, 2016. We were told there was a set of 12 month old twin girls. For months, we were preparing for a 0-3 month old drug exposed baby, but we were anxious to put the love we were holding hostage in our hearts to work, so we said yes, and on June 15, 2016, our girls came to live with us.

Since then, we have learned so many things about ourselves, each other, the twins, and the world around us. The bond the four of us have is unbelievable. We became an instant family. This has been the most difficult thing in life we have ever done. It has been excruciatingly painful to realize these sweeties are going back home soon. Don’t get me wrong, we’ve been in their mom’s corner this entire time. We’ve had minimal bumps in the road with her, and for the most part, we work together pretty well for the best interest of the girls.

One of the reasons it was on my heart to become a foster (to adopt) parent was because I had gone through three miscarriages already and I couldn’t fathom putting my body and mind through further turmoil. As you can imagine, losing babies, born or unborn, is unfathomable. What I didn’t realize is that no matter how hard I fight against the injustices that these kids have faced, no matter how much I love on them, no matter what right I do for them, they’re still going home. I’m still losing babies but in a different way.

I know that’s a shitty way to look at it, but don’t get too caught up in that. I realize this was what we signed up for but nobody can be adequately prepared for what it’s really like to be a foster parent. It’s an added layer of difficulty when you’re fostering because you’re constantly under a microscope, being questioned, being accused, being misinformed. And as another foster mom said, “You don’t know what it’s like until you do it.” Truer words were never spoken.

Now that I’ve shared what is wrong with foster parenting, let me share with you what is right with it. It’s a blessing to be able to have the support we have had to bring children into our home. Not everyone has the tribe that we have. You guys are irreplaceable. The tears that I’ve cried, the laughs that I’ve shared, the confusion I’ve gone through. You’ve all been there. You’re incredible people. Thank you!

It’s pretty amazing to bring a life into your home and love that life unconditionally as if it were your own flesh and blood. If you think you can’t love someone else’s child you’re wrong. You can and you would do it beautifully. You learn a lot about yourself and your partner when kids come into the picture. I never thought I’d fight so hard for anything in my life. The social worker probably thinks I’m some bitch from hell because I’m not afraid to speak up when we’re noticing things that aren’t healthy for the girls. I’m not trying to be a jerk. I’m trying to make sure they get the very best.

This process is stressful and it’ll be stressful on your household. No doubts about that at all. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it. Although it sucks that we don’t get to adopt the twins, it’s awesome that their mom gets to have her family back. We helped her with that in a small way. In one hand, we love knowing we could help dozens of families stay together, but in the other, we’re still aching to be adoptive parents. It will happen. Our day will come. If nothing else, the twins have taught us we CAN be good parents. There was never any doubt about Mitch. I knew well before we started this journey that he’d be a great dad and he is. In fact, he’s amazing. Any kid would be lucky to have him as a role model.

As for me, I had (and still do to some degree) some concerns about being a mom. I knew I wanted to be a mom but I was afraid of messing up some kids life. I don’t want that blood on my hands. I still have a long way to go before I could be considered a “good” or a “great” mom, but for now, I’m a mom to kids that need love, safety, shelter, and support.

Anything worth having is worth working hard for. I have never worked so hard. I have never loved so hard. I have never laughed so hard. I have never cried so hard. This process is beautiful, stressful, rewarding, challenging, confusing, gratifying, hilarious, and exhausting. There’s no way in hell I’d go back on the decision to do this. I love being a mom!

I feel like this is a pretty vague update but I wanted to give you something. If anyone read this, leave me a comment so I’ll know whether or not I should keep writing.




9 thoughts on “Six months in…

  1. Kerri says:

    you and Mitch are great parents, being a foster is one of the toughest things to do, you see the good the bad and more. One thing I have learned is you can only do your best, try and do more and the rest is out of your hands. You hope you made a lasting imprint on their lives in which I have no doubt you both have.The first fosters are always the hardest, not saying it gets easier just saying you begin to understand and again I am not saying it is always right. Hang in there you will be an awesome mom ( I think you already are) XXOO


  2. Kathryn Dean says:

    Please keep writing! I love reading about the amazement and joy and struggle and heartbreak and utter “incredibleness” of the journey. There is nothing like being a conscientious parent. You love, laugh, marvel, cry, and more…in a way that’s different from any other relationship. I’m so glad that you and the Mr are experiencing parenthood. I hope and will pray that more little souls find their way to your home, and that there will be some who move in forever ❤


  3. Rebecca Hertzog says:

    Love you guy! Hate that you have gone through everything you have, but I know God will send you the little person/people you are supposed to have ❤ love you both.


  4. Jenn Nudelman says:

    Yes, please keep writing. I love reading your updates. When it came to light that cancer left me unable to have my own kids, I thought adopting might be an option. As it turns out, not really when you have cancer. I might not be around long enough. I’d considering fostering, except that my professional life doesn’t allow me the flexibility. I so admire your and Mitch’s willingness to adjust your lives to realize your dream of being parents. More parents could really learn a lot from your sacrifice and dedication.


  5. You should always keep writing. Even if no comments are written. Someone will have read it and be touched or changed and you may never know it. You change lives my dear friend, not just little ones lives, but adults too, mine included. Don’t ever stop writing, don’t ever stop sharing, don’t ever stop being you. I love you.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Leeann says:

    Please keep writing. You are doing such a wonderful thing for the girls and their mom too. Fostering is not easy and that’s one reason there simply aren’t enough foster homes for kids. You are amazing Aubrey and Mitch! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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