It’s getting real…

I’m feeling particularly emotional tonight. As each day passes, the gifts, love, and support continue to roll in for the adventure of becoming foster to (as-soon-as-the-opportunity-presents-itself) adopt parents. I can’t even begin to tell you what it has been like around this house. Just a few months ago, we moved into our first home and the joy has been abundant ever since. It’s rare that a week goes by that we don’t have visitors. There always seems to be some sort of party happening here and we love nothing more than sharing our home.

Now that we have decided to share our home with a baby, it’s like someone has turned on a magical light and the bulb is ever glowing and comes with a beautiful shine. I think that switch was flipped on inside of our hearts since day one, but what surprises me is how many other people have flipped that switch with and for us. They, too, have been on this journey almost just as much as we have. It’s a feeling we can’t describe; a love and appreciation for people that we have never experienced; a clarity for the village that is being built.

To sit in that room rocking in the chair we will rock our babies in and knowing that it will soon be filled with baby sounds (and smells) gives us the greatest burst of joy in our hearts. I can’t go in that room without a great big smile. Knowing that baby after baby will find the refuge their little lives are seeking and knowing that we get the extraordinary opportunity to be the people who love that baby in their most difficult of times, is an enormous blessing that we don’t take lightly.

I catch myself getting scared sometimes, usually daily. “What if I lose my baby again?” Then I realize that I’m not with child and somehow it doesn’t make me feel better. But just because the child isn’t growing in my body doesn’t mean it’s not growing in our hearts. We chose this and I believe that the perfect babies will be chosen to live with us, even if only for a short while.

Our next baby shower is this Saturday at 1:00. We are so excited to see everyone and we are so grateful that we have the best friends and family to do these things for us. The baby room is stocked full of the big things and some of the little things. I know that when it’s showtime, that baby will want for nothing. I realized that there are some babies that don’t start out in life with all of the treasures sprinkled throughout the baby room. I’m surprised it took me so long to realize that fact. I guess I never got to the part with my own babies when I would plan a baby room so I never gave it much thought.

A few days ago, I was putting baby furniture together, washing baby clothes in Dreft, and cooing over everything. Mitch told me I was nesting! I didn’t realize that was a thing for foster parents, but I confirmed with my trusty mommy friend that it is and my heart swelled with pride. “I’m nesting!”  I thought to myself and I beamed with sunshine from my soul. “I’ve never had the chance to nest!” It was such a warm gift to be told that and it totally put me on cloud 9.

I’m excited to see how this changes me/us. I already see and feel the changes, the thought processes, the priorities, and so on, but it can’t possibly compare to when our first little nugget comes through the door. The baby smells. The baby sounds. To watch their eyes, nose, ears, arms, legs, and everything else squirming as if they are trying to tap dance their way into our hearts will be like nothing we have ever imagined.

I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought of my dad and how angry I am a lot during this process. I keep thinking of my godfather that passed away in November, too. I think Troy would have been so happy for us. I can see his smile through the clouds and I feel the warmth of his hugs. I so wish he was here to teach our kids about the important things in life like music and the art of having a good time. Troy was always so good about both of those things. God, I do miss him dearly. I think of Mitch’s mom, Rachel, and how I never got to meet her and how our kids won’t either. It makes me really sad to know that the biggest influence in my husband’s life isn’t here, but I know she’s an angel, along with Troy, and is watching over us and our babies.

I’m thankful for my mom, Mitch’s dad and his second mom, Mitch’s huge family, our friends, and my brother and Janet. I’ve always heard that it takes a village to raise children and that bell couldn’t ring any clearer than it is right now. I know there will be lots of times when I will want to figure it out myself and do things on my own. I know that Mitch will need that too. All I ask is that if we don’t accept help every time you offer it, it’s only because just as these babies are developing into the person they will be, we are developing into the parents that we will be. Don’t take it personally. We’re just bonding with our baby.

All of our dreams are coming true. It has taken us over a decade and it has been after a lot of hard work, hard times, and hard lessons. We are so thankful for every struggle we have been through. It has prepared us for this upcoming event. By this time next month, we will be parents. What a priceless gift! Thank you for your love and support!

xo,
A

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I am never good at this!

I should just start every blog off by saying, “Sorry it’s been so long…” because, as I always say, I’m terrible about consistently blogging. I’ll try to keep the update brief by being vague, but not so much that it makes you feel like this entire post was written in hieroglyphics.

A lot has been going on lately. Work is picking up and my days are getting longer and longer. It’s time to get ready to travel the country again for work, and I am looking forward it. I am able to see new places, to give of myself, to be more exhausted than I thought humanly possible, to work alongside some of the most wonderful people on the planet (participants and staff), and I get to be inspired by them to do and be more. My travel schedule is below.

August: Michigan 3-Day

September: Seattle 3-Day (Okay, so I’m not traveling for it, but it’s worth mentioning!)

October: Philadelphia 3-Day (walking) 

October: Atlanta 3-Day

November: Dallas / Ft. Worth 3-Day

It’s been so hot here. Ugh. We Pacific Northwest people aren’t here for the heat! It used to be that July 5th was the first day of summer here and it was MAYBE low 90’s for a couple of days, but that was it. People! Global warming is a thing! Don’t get me wrong, I love the beautiful summers that we’ve been having, but I like heat to stay outside. I probably wouldn’t bitch about it at all if I had air conditioning. Dare to dream, right?

I’m feeling my anxiety and stress levels increase over the last few weeks. There are some things going on in the background that I won’t share here, at least not now, but I’m finding it very difficult to open up about things. I know, I know, that’s not good. For some reason, I’m feeling useless lately. I don’t feel like I’m reaching goals, I feel like I’m kind of just stagnant. On top of that, I’m feeling like I’m not doing enough for others. I’m annoying myself with my personal pity party.

A few really good things to mention are coming up! I went to my friend’s cabin over the weekend on Anderson Island. I love it out there. I get to go once a year and it is NEVER enough time. Fun, friends, food. What more do you need? Gracie, thanks for always inviting me! Our friendship and the friendships you have introduced me to are priceless!

Stephanie and the kids are home right now! Mitch and I got to visit with them today. We had a picnic at the spray park and it was really nice to chat for a while. I couldn’t help but smile inside knowing that the place where the spray park is located used to be the location of our old high school before it got torn down. How funny that we were reconnecting in the very same place where our friendship started. I love that girl.

Saturday will be a fun-filled day. Me, mom, Sandra, Yvette and a few other folks are headed to Cheney Stadium for the Color in Motion 5k. I’ve never done a color run, so this should be interesting and hilarious! Afterward, Mitch, mom and me are having a BBQ at mom’s house. We have spent so much time with my mom now that we’re back in Tacoma. I think she likes having us close by. We’re only a mile down the road, so it’s two shakes of a lamb’s tail and we’re bumping into each other. It’s been fun!

I think I’ll wrap it up right here for now. Maybe I’ll blog again soon…but don’t hold your breath! 😉